INSECURITY

Hi guys, welcome back to my page *mimics YouTube vlogger*. I am extremely sorry about the delay in posting this. I will try to post on a monthly or bimonthly from now on.

I hope you enjoyed the last post and if you have not read it, this is a link to the post https://iomodele.blogspot.com/2018/12/forgiveness.html .

So today, I am talking about insecurity (in romantic relationships).

What is insecurity?

Insecurity is the feeling of uncertainty or lack of confidence about something (or someone). Insecure people have little confidence in themselves or their abilities. This could lead to trust issues, when people try to get close to them, they begin to question their intentions, they doubt if other people really like them and fear abandonment if they are too attached.

As humans, we naturally feel insecure at times. However, a few of us feel this way more often than not. Some of the experiences that could lead to insecurity include; the childhood you had, lingering feelings of failure or rejection, past traumas, loneliness, social anxiety, negative thoughts about yourself, over meticulousness, or having a critical parent or partner.

How do you know you are insecure?

From personal experience, I knew I was insecure when I started spying on my boyfriend, I was constantly scared to lose him because of a previous incident with someone else. A few indications are:

1.   Fear of losing your partner

One sign that you may be insecure in your relationship is a persistent fear of losing your partner. Insecurities make you have an unrelenting feeling you are not worth somebody's time, thus you end up fixating on whether your partner truly loves you, truly appreciates sex, is really in to you, finds you irritating, or wants to abandon you for another. This fear appears to be even more magnified, when you have experienced a bumpy patch with your partner where they maybe lost your trust. Without trust, a relationship is damned, if trust is lacking you probably will no longer confide in your partner. A relationship where both partners are hiding things and experiences is a slowly dying relationship. In the event that you cannot confide in your partner, then you should not be together.

2.   Consuming Jealousy

There is a certain level of jealousy in a relationship that is considered okay, overall, you are in a committed relationship and do not want another party breaking what you have built. In any case, there is where this rational passion balloons into an irrational one. Indicators that you are being jealous include; 

·         Spying on your partner

·         Constantly scrutinizing your partner's whereabouts

·         Negativity

·     Controlling behavior, for example; requesting a friend be cutoff because you feel uncomfortable with them without considering their impact on your partner’s life. Positive influence they may be in your partner’s life

·         Getting excessively close or clingy with your partner

·         Spite and pettiness, for example, making another friend or flirting with another person just to make your partner jealous.

Jealousy is amazingly hard to survive, yet survival is not inconceivable. This tricky feeling might appear to be warranted in the moment, yet it is not worth destroying an incredible relationship over. Work on figuring out how to let go of certain worries and build trust with your partner.

3.    Requesting access to Phones, tablets etc.

A sign that you are insecure in your relationship is if you request access to your partner's electronic gadgets or web based life accounts. You might be distrustful, thinking about if your partner has mischievous applications or is carrying on improper discussions in private messages, yet try not to police them with the belief that doing such will save your relationship.

It appears somewhat alarming at first, however recognizing and accepting that you cannot change your partner's activities by observing them like a security personnel, can give you a form of serenity.

4.    You habitually spy on their social media pages.

Regardless of whether or not you have your partner's email password or access to their phones, your insecurity still cannot be quieted. Rather than going directly to your partner's gadget, you fanatically check their online networking. You may even google their name or continually examine the status of their exes by searching on social networks. This can prompt unfortunate contentions and more profound insecurities.

Social Media life is an infamous relationship executioner, being consumed by each new 'like' on your partner's photographs or being overly mindful of any individual who is having discussions with them is an awful way to live.

1.   Distrust as to your partner's whereabouts

Consistent addressing of your partner's whereabouts and expectations can be tiring and can debilitate your relationship. Awkwardly, the hardest imaginable thing when you are insecure is to confide in your partner. Whenever you want to get into contention with your partner about their actual whereabouts, remind yourself that if your partner has never given you reason to question them, you probably should not.

2.   The requirement of consistent reassurance

Constantly craving reassurance is a major sign of insecurity. In the event that you are feeling insecure, you may discover you are continually asking for some form of reassurance and approval from your partner.

Some reassurance from your partner is likely to make you feel appreciated in your relationship, yet it ought not to devour the bulk your discussions. If you feel depressed and/or require continuous reassurance, you should consider counselling. It is an awesome way to become better acquainted with yourself as a person and figure out how to adore and appreciate your identity.

3.   You are afraid of being alone

If you are insecure about the stability of your relationship, being left alone for extended periods is one of your biggest nightmares. You would prefer to be anywhere rather than be alone with your thoughts. This fear of being distant from everyone else can likewise lead you to remain in a toxic relationship that does not merit your time or consideration. Look for therapy or divulge to a friend or relative who can give you an outside point of view of why it is smarter to be yourself and figure out how to cherish yourself, as opposed to remain in a toxic relationship.

4.    You stay away from conflict

Sometimes when you are insecure in your relationship, you may keep away from conflict like an epidemic, even when it is justified. This is because you fear your partner will abandon you at the slightest hint of direct confrontation. To have a healthy relationship, it is important that you practice open communication, not sweeping issues under the rug until they pile up. This implies getting uncomfortable topics out in the open and talking about your opinions and feelings to each other.

If you are continually suspicious of your partner and want to accumulate data about their whereabouts with questions like "How long were you gone?" and "Who were you with?" these are clear signs that you are insecure in your relationship. Work on building trust with your partner and make a goal that spins around getting to know yourselves better. Your partner cannot assuage your insecurities, no one can, but you.

Ways to get rid of insecurities

 1.  Quit comparing yourself with other individuals.

Most importantly with your partner's exes. It's one of the reasons for quarrels among couples and in spite of the fact that it very well may be ordinary and in some cases sensible, there are other people who consistently figure out how to make it an issue, regardless of whether or not the triggers are anywhere in sight.

Insecurity with jealousy is a deadly mixture and how couples tackle the issues that accompany this combo can either make or break the relationship.

 2.  Start valuing your uniqueness.

You are extraordinary and unique. Some people refuse to appreciate the good things about them and they frequently tend to detest themselves since they do not feel that they are exceptional. This could cause a low sense of self-worth, which eventually leads to insecurity.

The ideal approach to beat this self-loathing is to understand that there are individuals who genuinely value your mere presence. More importantly, you have somebody close by who cherishes you as you are, for who you are.

3.    Try not to be terrified to ask the pressing questions.

One of the origins of insecurity has something to do with reality (no smoke without fire), the responses that we are too reluctant to even think about hearing from the questions we won’t even dare to ask – on the grounds of lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

At times, the need to know truth about the things that characterize us as an individual and as a lover can cause vulnerability, tension, and frequently lead to overthinking.

If your insecurity stems from suspicions you have, you must not be afraid to ask the tough questions. If you leave a question unasked, it will eat into you and could cause you to act out shamefully/irrationally. Do not be afraid to ask because you fear what the answer could be, rip the bandage off so to speak.

 4.    Construct your certainty.

Another potential underlying driver of insecurity is not what somebody does not have however their failure/inability to appreciate what they do have, their abilities and qualities, the very reasons why somebody fell in love with them in the first place.

Let the certainty of who you are and what makes you, you, drive those insecurities off. How? There are diverse approaches to be sure and pleased with who and what you are. You should simply to have the eagerness to open your eyes.

5.    Trust more.

Another reason for insecurity is our inability to confide in others because of past encounters that persuaded you that you cannot depend on anybody but yourself.

Quit building those walls feeling that it would shield you from the cruelty of the outside world. Rather, open more doors, open more windows with the hope and belief that the light of others can light up your life.

6.    Discover what is truly perturbing you.

I have stated a few underlying drivers of insecurity particularly for individuals in a relationship. Nevertheless, large portions of the more precise reasons why an individual may feel insecure truly rely upon a variety of elements.

Discover what is truly perturbing you. Discover the triggers, the things and occasions that can make you feel these negativities. As such, know yourself better, particularly the awful parts.

 7.    Acknowledge the things that you cannot change.

Try not to lament over the things that you can never get back, the realities that you cannot change in your relationship. One of the reasons for insecurities is our inability to understand that the difficulties that we see and experience with your partner are a part of life. Nevertheless, you can still improve it.

Begin with how you see yourself and how you respond to doubts, to occasions and encounters that come your direction. Change your frame of mind towards life and individuals.

8.    Discover your qualities and improve them.

Rather than concentrating on the bad and the negative, discover something in you that you can create and draw quality from. For example, you can try to figure out what satisfies you as an individual, as a partner to your significant other, or as a friend to your circle.

Understand the beneficial things about you through these individuals who really care about you. They are your lasting wellspring of solidarity, keep them close.

9.    Value the people around you.

Talking about having your partner, family, and friends around to enable you to rediscover the great things about yourself, it is vital that you ought to make sure to do the same for them. Value them by showing that you care about them and why they matter to you.

Individuals who give love and who are adored in kind never succumb to the condemning melancholy of insecurity. They comprehend what they are worth and regardless of whether they do not feel their best; they believe that the ones they cherish will be there to influence them to remember how unique they are.

10. Love/Adore yourself.

Last however not least, love yourself, always. Even if you are in a romantic relationship where you are relied upon to give love, always remember to leave some for yourself.

Remember to never let the good things pass you by just because you have failed to appreciate your own worth. The feeling of insecurities and the negativity that come with it are common relationship killers. Do something before it’s too late.

Relationships should make both the partners feel loved, respected, and secure. This holy grail of healthy relationship characteristics is torn apart when there is severe insecurity in the relationship. Ranging from jealousy to controlling behavior, insecurity can manifest itself in many destructive ways. Your insecurities may or may not be warranted, but they create unhealthy behavior regardless of your reasoning.

I personally think we have all been insecure at a point in our relationships. How did you deal with it?